I want to create. I want to share what I create with others. I want attention.

I set out to use social media, especially Instagram, as a way to get my work out to other people. I tried to use it responsibly, as a tool. What actually happened? I became the tool. I eventually found myself churning out short-form videos designed to maximize views. Almost daily. I fed the beast and helped it suck away people’s time and energy. I became part of the beast. Many of my videos got thousands of views. One of them got 33,000. Meanwhile, a pile of real songs ideas that I cared about was left to collect dust in the corner - for over ten years.

In the fall of 2024 I deleted my Instagram. For a year, I enjoyed my life more. I was present with my family. I read books at night. I went on road trips and camping trips without announcing it. I stopped turning everyday life into a photo shoot. I started working on my own songs again. I quit my job teaching public school and became an entrepreneur.

Then I decided to give Instagram another try. I lasted six weeks. Here’s what I observed:

My real, physical life became secondary to my online life. My life became a means to an end.
I abandoned projects I cared about in order to create short-form content.
I was rarely fully present for anything - emotionally or mentally.
I craved using Instagram more than spending time with my wife and children.
I found myself irritable and angry much more often.
I was late to things and missed deadlines because of Instagram.

So I deleted it again.

I have a lot of unfinished songs. Some of them are pretty old. Some of them are pretty cool. I would have rather finished those songs and had an audience of 10 listeners, than have 33k views on a stupid short form video.

In some aimless way, I spent over 10 years trying to “promote” my music and my services with social media. 10+ years I could have spent finishing songs, building a career in tangible ways, being present with my family, exercising, fishing, learning Thai, reading books, or watching paint dry.

I’m happy that I’ve deleted Instagram again. I’m sad that it took so long. I feel an acute awareness of how much opportunity and time I’ve wasted. I’m actually grieving it, in a small way. But I feel blessed to have the time that I do have.

Grieving